The Day the Pigs Got Out!
Wrote after Bp Al’s Sermon on the Prodigal Son – 1995

So you want to know about Pigs? Pigs are the Dirtiest, Stinkiest, Onriest, Varmit’s Alive! It’s claimed that, they scare away snakes! Ha! I’ve seen more snakes around Our Ranch, in Missouri, than ever in my life, on Our Farm, East of Vicksburg.
When they give birth, if they accidentally lay down, on a piglet while nursing, they don’t bother to get up. They’re lazy, big time!
These critters usually rooted up the ground with their noses, until the whole area was a sloppy mess. Of course, if a ring was clamped into their noses, to prevent this, they still managed to make their Pen a Pig Sty!
If a Pig is Kept in the Barn, Every Inch, of Their Pen is just “Wall to Wall Mud!” And, they Like Wallowing, in this Stuff! It sort of reminds me, of how My Sons used to be on Weekends, Sitting Around, with their Stinky Socks strewn all, Over Their Rooms. But, I have Not Much Defense, in this myself. For: I too, Love My Created Pig-Pen, of Books and Papers, that Accumulate Around Me, on the Couch. Our Pigishness, only Bothers Us, if we Get Caught by a Surprise Visitor … While We’re Still in Our Jammies.
If the New Bishop wishes to know the Fate of the Prodigal Son, in Last Week’s Gospel, Picture This: Pigs will Eat, their Food of Corn Stalks and Apple Peelings, even if it’s thrown into their Own Excrement! For, in this Muddy Mess of a Pen, These Creatures often Bury Their Own Feeding Trough, or Root It Up and Tip It Over, Spilling Out Their Grain, into this Muddy Pen — seeing and smelling this is believing, what these Dirty Things are Capable of. Jim, my Ex-Husband, thought The Piglets were Cute. To me, the only Good Pig was a Dead One! I’ll tell you why.
These Animals always, I mean they must have know, when Jim went 2 Work; for they would break out, of their pens, and I’d have to fix the hole in the fence. I faced these enemies, on four legs, more than Jim did. Once, they got out and rooted up the whole lawn. I herded them, as best I could, with a thick-stick, and my dogs heading them off, in front. Still, these pigs wouldn’t budge. Their hides were so thick; hitting them with this stick barely fazed them. I was always pregnant, when they did this — and ended up each time — with Poison Ivy, as “Payment 4 My Efforts,” from keeping them, from the further destroying, our lawn. I hate Pigs! Even the Memory of This Fiasco, makes me Itch, and Cry, and Angry! Pigs Don’t Budge, when they’re on an Eating Frenzy, in your yard!
As unclean pigs are, on the outside, you should taste Fresh Pork. The 1st Time you do, you’ll realize why the Good Lord steered the Israelites, away, from this meat. You’ll experience the greatest Catharsis, of Your Life! You may get a hankering, for Fresh Pork, some years later, but only one bout of Gastritis, will remind you why it’s called the Unclean Meat, in the Old Testament!
I mean no disrespect, to that Saintly Woman, in the Book of Maccabees, but no wonder she and her seven sons went to their deaths, not wanting to taste Fresh Pork! Our Lord must have had a Good Reason, to spare the Israelites of that Per-Dickament!!
Anyways, I did think of two good uses, for a pig. One is that their thick hides harbors tons of fat. And, when rendered, into a pot, become Lard. Lard is great for Flakey Pie Crusts. Also, I guess their pig skin, could be used to make a Football. I guess you can find Something Good, in Everyone and Every Animal, if you look hard enough.
It’s My Own Personal Prayer, that Someday my Dear Ones, will Realize their Wallering In a Human Pig Pen, Eating Table Scraps Off the Muddy, Excremented, Encrusted, Feeding Trough! This is the Hope, I have 4 Myself and All Poor Sinners. That We All Realize: How Ghastly Unattractive Sin Really Is: and Avoid It; and It’s Near Occasions.

The End!